Nut up.

I am scared a lot. Burpees scare me. Power snatches freak me out. Anything above 65lbs overhead makes me want to cry. Any WOD that includes a number with 3 digits turns me into a baby. But I go for it. I "nut up", as my trainer so gently puts it. In some ways, it's easy to nut up when it's a barbell staring at me. Either I will be able to lift it, or I won't. I'll be able to complete the work, or I won't. I can run the sprints, or I can't. It's a black and white affair, and God knows, humans love dealing in the black and white.

 Where things get sketchy is when gray appears on the horizon. What if I don't know what the outcome will be? Usually, this is the case when we are dealing with other people. What if I say hi to someone and they snub me? What if I compliment someone and they take it the wrong way? What if I give a suggestion out of love and the person takes it as criticism? There is no guarantee of an outcome when dealing with people. Is this an excuse to bow out? Or is this the critical time to nut up?

 Real men and women nut up. It's the definition of cowboy to take a chance when you're not guaranteed an outcome. Humans are sketchy, irritable, joyful, unpredictable, and full of surprises (both good and bad). Sometimes you'll take a chance and it will blow up in your face. Cowboy up, anyway. Sometimes, love will get thrown back at you with a sneer. Balls to the wall, anyway. The biggest breakthroughs in life come through taking chances. I'm going to get out there and nut up.

Made me smile...needed that!

An exercise in futility.

Every day in Crossfit is an exercise in physical discipline. But more than that, it's an exercise in mental discipline; of how much you are willing to turn your heart, mind and body over to pain. The focus and concentration it takes to put your body on the line is much, much harder than the physical focus. It takes toughness to walk through the door knowing you're gonna get hit with a sledgehammer and to cowboy up and take it, balls to the wall.

It wasn't there for me today. Minutes into the wod, I feel like I gave up on myself and I went through the motions. I don't know why...stress at home? sick kids? pissy attitude? Don't know. But I walked out disappointed. No one knows from looking from the outside how much of myself I'm putting on the line. But I knew. And it wasn't enough. It wasn't everything. I did the wod, I did not focus my mind. I may have achieved some calorie burning and muscle development, but I did not strengthen my mind and spirit.

So I will meditate on this and figure out what the hell went wrong. I would rather perform like shit with a fully focused spirit than perform decently with a heart that has given up.

To do...

50,000 things on my to do list, but I'm going to Crossfit today. It's the only thing keeping me from stabbing someone in the neck.

Gifts from paleo lovahs

Holler.

Hard Times

It's been a hard couple of weeks. I'm finally coming out of the fog of the first few months of Crossfit. I know the lingo, I'm seeing WODs repeat, I'm finally getting my sea legs. So, when the dust cleared, I realized to my dismay that I suck. As in, last. Pretty much every day. During the first couple of months, I didn't expect to compete - I was too focused on not dying or developing exercise induced asthma. Now, it would just be kinda nice to come in somewhere in the middle sometime...even lower...just not last.

So where is the line between comparing myself to gauge where I should be and using that info to beat myself up? Don't know. Every day is going to have to figure itself out. Sam said to keep working hard; "keep focusing on the little shit and the materialistic shit will take care of itself" (ie where I'm at on the whiteboard).

So here's a few little things that I've seen improve:
1. I'm running every run - haven't walked during a running wod this season.
2. My strength gains in squats are huge - PRing every time.
3. I stay in the suck longer every day.
4. My transition times between exercises are shorter.
5. I take fewer and shorter breaks.
6. My flexibility is a heck of a lot better.
7. I'm an encourager. I give and try not to always take.
8. I'm RXing workouts here and there
9. Using the 35lb kb and the 26 feels light.
10. I am more focused.

Even though it is so tempting to wallow in self-pity when I look at the board and see myself last or close to it every workout, that is not helping me improve. I will keep walking through the door and putting myself in the hands of the wod. I'll give my damndest every day. I'll do work and let the materialistic shit take care of itself.

Leading By Example

Our daughter, A, has struggled with her weight all of her life. When we adopted her at 13, 3 years ago, we were focused on bonding. I didn't make a big deal out of food. Over the last 4 months, she has watched me eat Paleo and became very interested. She loves meat, veggies, fruit and nuts, so decided to give it a try.

She has met with a tremendous amount of push-back from friends at school. They're constantly pushing food at her and trying to get her to eat candy, granola bars, etc. She has stood firm and politely refused. At one point, a kid said, "C'mon. Teenagers are supposed to eat crap and lay around and watch TV! Why do you want to eat so healthy?"

She responded, "Um, have you seen my mom?"

Day made.